he

either is your life journey or mine...

we will never know how long will it take for us to reach the next station...

and who will we meet at the next station...

===============================
suddenly...i felt that...i'm so bad....

i'm so useless....

i'm nothing....

i keep receiving blessing from others...

i keep blaming and complains...

i never been appreciate with what i have last time...

i will be calculative with how much you have loves me...

i will get angry when you are not paying attention to me...

i will get mad in front of you...

but you know what....i love you ...

i still remember that day.....
when you read the newspaper upside down....
you don't know what am i talking about....
i still thought that you are fine....
but you are actually not!!!
i should suspect early right?
if not you won't be so serious today....
and now....even sometime....

you can't talked to me....you will got blur....
you can't recognize me....

do you know how i feel??
panic~ i don't know what should i do....

i'm totally out of mind....

i guess i will not accept the day when you really leave me....

i guess i will hardly to accept all this fact....

do you know that how much i love you?

every time if something happen to you....
i will think back of all those old time...
i miss the way you hug me....

the body that is bigger than me....

the way you carried me to my bed every time i slept in the car

i really miss you....i really do....your way of talking....

i admit that sometime i'm not patient to you...

i will get mad when you are not listen to me...

or you trying to make everything worse...

then i always think of this....

is it God wants me to learn something?

especially Patient?i told her before too....

but i asked God....am i still don't have that much yet?

i believe that you have suffered so much...
mentally...spiritually...especially physically .....

you have no ideas what are you doing.....

Doctor told me...you will slowly lost your memory...
you will lost control....and ya....i really hope that is it not true...

i guess one day if you can't recognize anyone of us....

i don't know what will happen to me...

....a person that have care for me for so long...

========================================
i remember there is a post i wrote about you...

when i'm in PJ.....during the late evening....

i cried alone in the lab while i wrote that post...

today....when i heard that again you have been hurt...

and you can't recognize who are the peoples around you...

i can imagine how bad it is....cause i saw that before....

i knew that you love to talk to peoples....

that is the reason...whenever i am back...

i will bring you to shopping mall....

give you to observe peoples around...

i guess one part of my character is just similar like you...
but i really hope that i could be like you....
will not get angry .....cause you really have patient...
no matter what is going on....you will not fight with others...
that is what i saw along the way you solve problems...

seriously i miss the way you talk to me last time...

which i'v no longer heard it again for so long....so many years....

i'm trying very hard to remember the way you talk to me last time...

i'm trying to imagine what will you tell me if i do in any decision...

you know that i'm not clever enough....
and you always like to compare both of us...

you asked me to work hard....to be the best...

but i guess for my condition now.......
i have totally disappointed you right?

======================================
sometime i really think that maybe if you die...

it will be better to you??to others??
maybe you will live more happily?? 

but when i think of another site....

i want you to see who is my bf....

i want you to attend my weeding....

i know that you really pain....

you suffered lots....

but i felt that i'm totally hopeless at this moment...

i can only cried in my room....

updated everything through sms....

other than that i can't do.....

i'm trying to be very cheerful to chill her up...

i hope that you will be alright!!!

sometime i need to scold you so that she will not scold you....

but i know that you does not like it....

i knew that both you have given up lots to me and her...

i really wish that i have my own financial power....

so that i can make the better arrangement for you...

you know....i have a plan in my mind...how to take care both you...
======================================

i knew that i might need lots of patient....when i talk to you....
cause you will not agree with me every time ...

but i hope that i can really be the best in your eyes....

the other day i went back to the old house....

when the moment i heard her pray....

my tear dropped ....cause she mentioned about you...

her will is wanted us to be there....

she wants us to talk to....i can sense it.....

even she did not realize that....she actually repeating the same topic....

but i knew that she do love you!!!and us....
================================

and this make me felt guilty....

cause i have been bad of her few times....

because i wanted to protect another one...

i guess i really biases when i'm settle problems...

cause i will only protect one site...and hurt another site

suddenly felt that i'm actually very very bad....
====================================

i have my own happiness and i didn't think of you....
i does not care about you when i'm good....

i should be with you more time...=(
more caring i believe you will be better....

just like how you take care of me last time....

i should be more patient....should not scare of those silly things...

i should be brave to face all this....

i should try the better way to communicate with you...

i should allow you to talk to others....

which i believe God really want me to do that...

now i'm thinking....if this happen to Jesus...

what will He do???

i really miss him....

don't know how was he right now

~Realize~

 well i agree that whenever i get angry...

whatever in my mind could be just wrong!!

i need time to calm down and think....

well i'm glad that i'v a best friend that reminded me something...

which i lack of something...

even lots questions been asked but is good...

it make me to think....which sometime i refuse to think...

cause i love to avoid from problems....

ya...i know that is not good...

so i guess because of things silly action...

when next time problem occur...

i could not handle it well....

i guess instead to train myself ....be more patient...

and be a good observant as well...be alert what is going on....

what is happening around me....what is the needs ....

which is the great timing to be....

what is Faith to you???

do you ever think about that??

well one of the man mentioned this:

"Faith is not what you believe ...but is how now you live!"

what Faith to me?

"Believing without doubt on what will happen!"

cause God will have His own timing on everything ....

and i should believe and keep the journey on...

instead don't stay at the same place...

struggling....and shouting....get angry...

which Anger will not help anything...

but bring disaster to peoples around...

discourage everyone...

this morning i'v a great time with God...

which sometime i lack of....

of being not concentrate whenever i'v my devotion...

there will have something disturb my mind...

but I'm glad that lately relationship between me and God...

has build back.... i can sense Him again...

i'm closer to Him... =) happy~

today i realize lots of things...

which God responded to my questions last night...

which He gave me confident to go forward...

no matter what .... Believe....

this morning suppose i'm looking for Psalm 94....

but i forgot which chapter....

and i reading Psalm 98 ...

which  "slap" me lots!!!

which make me awake of something!!!

the most verse that attract my attention

: "Let them sing before the Lord, for he comes to judge the earth.

He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples will equity."

Psalm 98:9

sometime we will make mistake...

ya and i'm agree with this as well...

cause we are not prefect....

but in God we will be!!! =)

so instead i'm judging what others are doing....

i should live out my life that can be the example....

NO Judgment!! cause i have no right to do that!!

But GOD!!!!

i can't change anything by myself!!!

But GOD!!!!

i can't heal the hurt within me...

But GOD!!!!

so when you leave it up to Him....

question is...whether you committed enough?

But GOD promise is

: "I can do everything through him who gives me strength"

Philippians4:13 

we find contentment at the same place we will also find God!!

Time to look for Him if you too having struggle...

and i knew that my contentment was not based on my circumstances...

BUT my relationship with Christ!!!

No matter what you are facing today

through prayer you can receive the strength to be content!!

Pray!!! =)

live that God should be in me!!

get work on studies now

Mind

yeh....saw this little boy in children sunday in church...

ya... i like him...cute right huh!!
should look at pic that i love....
chill me back~

===================================

i guess i'v lost my patient sometime...

i don't know what is the best things that i can do....

i never know that....when bad words come...i will get crazy....

i guess i need more patient....

i realize i'v lost my patient lately....

i don't know why....??

i guess there is really something happen to me...

inner especially.... wanna talk to someone?

i guess for now...i can't really wanted too....

i can feel the heart beat is increasing...

i never know that what should i do right now...

just feel like i'm kind of lost right now...

i guess i will stay in my room to make things all clear...

i never know that i can be temper...fire...

i remember a sista told me this....

: shirley you really a cheerful girl!! bring joy with you!!

well i guess the situation right now...

i am not!!!! i have lost my confident with what is right and wrong...

you know...i know lots of things....

i know the strategy to talk to others....

but now...i guess i'm just a normal person...

that have beat down by some silly words...

ya...maybe i should choose not to listen...not to see...

i think that is the best way right??

i think i can handle if i just have a look...

but i'm totally WRONG!!!

i lost control ....totally~

i have no ideas what is happening around me...

even peoples said....how is your best friend?

ah? i don't know!! and i even lost the faith as well....

i don't know how was a person character really be...

i don't know when is your real part....

they can just be alright in front of you....

inner?? i don't think i can just know...

they will said....you are my best friend!!

but inner?? can be another one!!

or...can change anytime....

i guess....the problem right now??

i have no ideas.... indeed i should re-figure again everything...

i need to rearrange my emotional....

reading God's words can reflect something to me...

is the response toward Him to me...

but absorption is not enough...need practice out...

ah...You said: wisdom is from you...and we should choose that...

there is different kind of peoples....

is depend on you....whether you can cope with them...

whether you can really show love to others....

i thought that i'm really good....

i'm recovering....

but i'm wrong!!!

things that i hope now....

maybe....i can jump into a pool...

and have clear mind to think about....

imagination is not always correct....

i need to settle it by myself....

has what i always told others...

God will not give us problem that we can't settle...

so i believe i can cope with those problems....

Have Faith everyone....

in your daily life.....

ah....peoples can changes...

who should i choose to be together....

is not judge by you....

cause you are not GOD!!!

lesson of the day: 

NO JUDGING!!!!

NO COMPLAIN!!!

FAST FROM TALKING!!!

alright i will fast from facebook this whole week...

fast from talking for few hours as well!!!

pray for my Nation!!!

*have you join the 40days fast & pray this year?

sick of the changes of peoples
not in good condition

If I can'tTaLK

well well well.....

last night is a great night!!!

normally i don't really go for "yam cha" section...

ya...cause our FES worker-Lian Lian is here!!

so ya....last night after CF....

ouch...suddenly felt hungry.....

and Lian Lian said: "why you always hungry?"

well that is what she felt....

normally i will always mentioned i'm hungry ....

in front of her!!!! LOL

when peoples are hungry....

basically they eat themselves too right???

em....think about whether will it happen??

what is your answer???

but last night....

they said shirley is too noisy....

cause i keep on telling them that...

"I'M HUNGRY!!!!"

so Lian Lian suggested me to "fast" from "talking"...

well well.....if Fun....

cause even i don't talk....

i used sign language....

well you will think whether i'm playful....

but....i really know.....

haha....few action only...

such as :

Thanks you

i love you

welcome

watermelon

sorry

what

excuse me

basically base on this few knowledge i have

i manage to communication with others..

THE WHOLE 2 HOURS....

without TALKING!!!!!

haha....so now you going to respect me!!!

even i use sign language with the worker in Ghany!!

hahaha....well man...i guess i really know sign language...

swt~ 

well...conclusion....

i really need to learn from lian chui...

she really know....if you want ...ask her to teach you!!

the 40 days fast & prayer for nation....

ah....i almost forgot about it....

until lian lian remained me!!!

ya....so i will fast from today....

fast Facebook....blogspot.....

lunch....talking....judge.....

COMPLAIN!!!!

ya....pray that i can make it...

and PRAY FOR MALAYSIA!!!

=)

have nice day peeps!!!!

going for Jaeson ma concert

Have MCD??

weee!!! when we hungry....

normally young peoples will think of ???

MC-D!!!!

so if you were....then you are YOUNG!!!!

yeh...previously saw my friend post in her msn post...

GCB is nice.....ah....so have a try from Felic one...

well....heheh....not nice....

but i told my friend just now....

GCB as MCB...and my friend was confuse...

LOL......

but is Fun...after the hillsong concert....

everyone is tired but still hyper singing and jumping...

ah....the Mc-D is Fulled of our VOICE!!!!

hahah....moment we met another group....

we.....SHOUT!!!!!!!!!!!

yeh...that is how we greet others....

so show how warm we are.....

then after....busy eating our late dinner....

which getting faster than others day...

cause WE ARE VERY HUNGRY....

well well.....somehow...there is a weird man walking by...

and grab our attention....

well at first i felt sad of this man....

until the rest of them started to laugh....

ah....laughing virus has jump to my body...

and i started to ......smile!!! =)

hahah....but Lord pray that....

this man somehow know about You!!!

yeh....you lah Dave....

laugh so loud....influence me....

=(

yeah....i love the hillsong volunteers t-shirt

do u think i manage to get one??

ah...better be the real helpers and wear on it!!!

ah....will surely be the next helper in the event!!!

keep the fire on....

which is not get HOT for few second ...

but continue the Fire on....

serve God with sincere heart and soul....

L>O>V>E

get better in life

Hillsong day 1 (concert)

you can see from the pic...

how enjoyed are they...

are wanted to become volunteers...ah...

will be for next year ... =)

well...of course we all are hungry...

is afternoon....ya...well...sometime...

when I'm hungry...there will have some special facial expression...

to tell peoples... hello I'm hungry!!! Let's go eat!!

and ya...she might be camera shy when she is hungry...

well...she is definitely still excited in hillsong mood... 

well...when he is hungry....

he will not border others....

he will just EAT 1ST!!!! hahah...

cause his food is there... =)

and mine finally reached too...

curry!!! yeh....i like it.... is yummy!!~

osh...went back and get ready for the night concert....

ah...see the crowd??

young peoples are all Facebook-ing....

telling their friends they are in Hillsong concert!!

ah...so hope that i will have a I-phone as well!!!

so that i can also online too!!! =)

ah....finally we are all got into the hall....

the 1st night concert!!!!

and yeh...here is the wrist band...

but that is not all belonging to Gin...

is the others... =D

and yeh...i got to knew new group friends here...

they are all from KL...

ah....so geng...all along the way from KL....

but they are cool too...

the girl beside me...she is from india too!! =)

ah...the opening of the concert!!!

Fire!!!!!!!! everyone get HIGH~~~

and yeh...worship time is ON....

Taylor is leading us to the worship section...

Pastor Josh was a great speaker...

the disgusting story from his own experience ....

the Toton story!!! =)

hahah....really inspire me!!!

and yeh...the concert end...

and we?? Don't want to leave the place...

wanna fight?

ah...here is the sista following us there....

the Felic and shuyi

and another prety i met her during the registration 

depart to her college life the next day after the 1st concert...

going to miss u sista!!! =)

and yeah!!!! Pastor Lee Burns...

the principle of Hillsong college!!!

ah...I like his sharing!!!

Is really encouraging and pointed to me....

gosh....if i have the chance...

i will go hillsong college...

pray~

yeh...the cute lead singer...Taylor!!!

haha...he is being so cute when he jumping on the stage!!

hahah.... =)

and lalal..the chiligirl have her very own great night...

never regret to attend the concert!!!

is really worth it!!

ah....Hillsong Rock!!!!!! =)

Aha....we and the whole team members....

Esther are being funny face running over to take pic...

hahah...yeah!!! 

Ended up with the great night ....

we Enjoyed!!!

waiting for the 2nd final night!!!

pray for the chance

Hillsong College

hope one day i manage to study in Hillsong college as well....
yeah...really hope that i manage to get even closer to God ministry...
especially in Music and Dance.... yo.....when i hear that my friends plan to go...
ah....I hope i can too!!! but i believe that i need to wait the opportunity God give...
especially i manage to have sponsor to support me....ah....pray pray pray....
this will only happen when I'm graduated from my Uni ....
work for studies ....works for God's kingdom....get stronger in spiritual as well...
Go shirley!!! you can do it...if God said you will reach another site...
means that i will definitely reach the destination....
Ya....In Faith of life...God bless...
just hope that i can play very well like the hillsong team too....

Hillsong day 1 (seminar)

white coffee.....famous in Ipoh...

ah...Thanks to Gin for bringing us there....

The bread is pretty nice...

i guess maybe i'm too hungry too...

but i love the white coffee.....but i can't drink too much...
ah...somehow sometime after i drink coffee will get gastric...
so for not make this happen....better don't drink coffee before seminar...

sob~ =(

hehe...anyhow...i enjoyed the breakfast in IPoh...
even is just a cup of MILO...
well the most that make me excited is HILLSONG is in IPoh...

attending the HIllsong seminar in Syuen hotel after breakfast~

Felic and Gin drinking their white coffee...
we came from kampar early at 620am....
just for the white coffee.... =)

but seriously the white coffee is really nice...

you should try it...if you haven alright~

alright...finally we got into the hall...

lots of peoples in the hall already when we reached....

and yeah....the worship is going to start before the seminar

ah....I'm in red.... =)

yosh....I love the lighting effect ....

Nice right....hope our end year EM can have too

This piece is the one i love the most...

Thanks to Kelvin cam...

yeh....the organizer pastor ken...

pastor Priscilla....

and Esther...she is the speaker for the worship section

check out...she is the song lead in Hilllsong kids as well

Q&A section....

is great to have them in ipoh

The Drummer is doing a Demo for some drum skill

hehe....they are all just in front of me.....

here are they...the musicians....

the middle one is the youngest among others

all the big guys...

see..... Pastor lee burns looking for someone?

yeah...here's the whole team....from Australia

Tada!!!!

Pastor JOsh is the last one who appear in the hall...

man....you will never believe...
he is 24....

one of the vocal from the hillsong team...
she is Esther....i love her voice!!! =)

and here is the Drummer from hillsong team...
and he is Esther husband...both them married 3 months ago...
congra!!!! God bless both you!!

she is a great vocals too....
she study in hillsong college as well...
i love her so much~
she is sweet right!!! =)

and here is the others musicians....
hehe...the guy behind me is the song lead for this concert!!
yo....hope one day i manage to study in hillsong college as well...
Lord will my dream that can be approve by You?will it happen?
waiting the opportunity...

love the hillsong worship songs