he

either is your life journey or mine...

we will never know how long will it take for us to reach the next station...

and who will we meet at the next station...

===============================
suddenly...i felt that...i'm so bad....

i'm so useless....

i'm nothing....

i keep receiving blessing from others...

i keep blaming and complains...

i never been appreciate with what i have last time...

i will be calculative with how much you have loves me...

i will get angry when you are not paying attention to me...

i will get mad in front of you...

but you know what....i love you ...

i still remember that day.....
when you read the newspaper upside down....
you don't know what am i talking about....
i still thought that you are fine....
but you are actually not!!!
i should suspect early right?
if not you won't be so serious today....
and now....even sometime....

you can't talked to me....you will got blur....
you can't recognize me....

do you know how i feel??
panic~ i don't know what should i do....

i'm totally out of mind....

i guess i will not accept the day when you really leave me....

i guess i will hardly to accept all this fact....

do you know that how much i love you?

every time if something happen to you....
i will think back of all those old time...
i miss the way you hug me....

the body that is bigger than me....

the way you carried me to my bed every time i slept in the car

i really miss you....i really do....your way of talking....

i admit that sometime i'm not patient to you...

i will get mad when you are not listen to me...

or you trying to make everything worse...

then i always think of this....

is it God wants me to learn something?

especially Patient?i told her before too....

but i asked God....am i still don't have that much yet?

i believe that you have suffered so much...
mentally...spiritually...especially physically .....

you have no ideas what are you doing.....

Doctor told me...you will slowly lost your memory...
you will lost control....and ya....i really hope that is it not true...

i guess one day if you can't recognize anyone of us....

i don't know what will happen to me...

....a person that have care for me for so long...

========================================
i remember there is a post i wrote about you...

when i'm in PJ.....during the late evening....

i cried alone in the lab while i wrote that post...

today....when i heard that again you have been hurt...

and you can't recognize who are the peoples around you...

i can imagine how bad it is....cause i saw that before....

i knew that you love to talk to peoples....

that is the reason...whenever i am back...

i will bring you to shopping mall....

give you to observe peoples around...

i guess one part of my character is just similar like you...
but i really hope that i could be like you....
will not get angry .....cause you really have patient...
no matter what is going on....you will not fight with others...
that is what i saw along the way you solve problems...

seriously i miss the way you talk to me last time...

which i'v no longer heard it again for so long....so many years....

i'm trying very hard to remember the way you talk to me last time...

i'm trying to imagine what will you tell me if i do in any decision...

you know that i'm not clever enough....
and you always like to compare both of us...

you asked me to work hard....to be the best...

but i guess for my condition now.......
i have totally disappointed you right?

======================================
sometime i really think that maybe if you die...

it will be better to you??to others??
maybe you will live more happily?? 

but when i think of another site....

i want you to see who is my bf....

i want you to attend my weeding....

i know that you really pain....

you suffered lots....

but i felt that i'm totally hopeless at this moment...

i can only cried in my room....

updated everything through sms....

other than that i can't do.....

i'm trying to be very cheerful to chill her up...

i hope that you will be alright!!!

sometime i need to scold you so that she will not scold you....

but i know that you does not like it....

i knew that both you have given up lots to me and her...

i really wish that i have my own financial power....

so that i can make the better arrangement for you...

you know....i have a plan in my mind...how to take care both you...
======================================

i knew that i might need lots of patient....when i talk to you....
cause you will not agree with me every time ...

but i hope that i can really be the best in your eyes....

the other day i went back to the old house....

when the moment i heard her pray....

my tear dropped ....cause she mentioned about you...

her will is wanted us to be there....

she wants us to talk to....i can sense it.....

even she did not realize that....she actually repeating the same topic....

but i knew that she do love you!!!and us....
================================

and this make me felt guilty....

cause i have been bad of her few times....

because i wanted to protect another one...

i guess i really biases when i'm settle problems...

cause i will only protect one site...and hurt another site

suddenly felt that i'm actually very very bad....
====================================

i have my own happiness and i didn't think of you....
i does not care about you when i'm good....

i should be with you more time...=(
more caring i believe you will be better....

just like how you take care of me last time....

i should be more patient....should not scare of those silly things...

i should be brave to face all this....

i should try the better way to communicate with you...

i should allow you to talk to others....

which i believe God really want me to do that...

now i'm thinking....if this happen to Jesus...

what will He do???

i really miss him....

don't know how was he right now