selfish

1245am right now...

ya...my eyes condition still not fine yet...

still my own problem....

need to rest more for my eyes...

but recently I'v lots of problems...

ya.....out of no where i will feel stress....

i will feel lonely.....

even i know that i'm not!!!!

anyway....today i received a call from my bro-in-law!!

ya...whenever he call....there's always something...

if not he would call.....

and ya....today he asked me to find room for his sis...

and ya...previously i heard that she already settle...

but today.....she want to change her mind...

well......for my own-self....

i feel stress if she stay with me....

but what to do???

i already get the order from him.....

haiz...bla bla with my friends during lunch...

and now i realize that .....

I'M SO SELFISH!!!!

why not i take up the responsible....

but sometime i'm thinking....

why not i have my own FREEDOM?

why not????

peoples around me trying to control me....

even my mum didn't do that to me...

why you????arrrrrggghhh!!!!!

 and recently weather getting HOTTER!!!

and i think of the berry juice....

even is bit bitter.....

and i think that is LIFE!!!!

ya....life is always full of challenge and problems....

and while i'm share with my friends during lunch....

i can feel that .....they will think that i'm selfish...

why not i take care for his sis??

but you know what???

i just feel so unsecured....

i always felt that when she is around...

everyone will only care for her...but not me!!

that is what i don't like to stay with her...

i will feel that i'm the servant after-all....

i need to settle everything for her....

and no one will think of me then.....

arrrrrggghhhh..........i want to cry!!!

i really wanted to get one place to hide myself...

i miss my own cheerfulness .....

i miss time that no worries...

i miss those time that i can just be so relax.....

but you know what....

2 days...i hide myself in room...

watching movie on pps.....

just to control myself not to think of anything...

even my eyes getting very pain.....

but i still make myself to forget something...

ya....i don't like the feeling of being control....

and during this quiet night...

i miss my mum so much!!!

and every time i think that no one care me...

i will think of my mum that in mambau....

ya and i know she don't hope that.....

i being so weak when problem occur...

instead she want me to be strong....

and she always believe that i can!!!

she never give up on me....

even i have failed before...

she still encourage me....

and i know i shouldn't make her worried....

and i shall live wonderful in my Uni life....

and i don't like to see others "faces" to live...

your reaction......

and all those stupid anger don't showed to me!!

I am not your MUM!!!!

~~~angry!!!~~~

however......

all my friends.....don't worry....

i just wanted to express out everything....

recently there is something that disturbing me...

and make me feel uncomfortable...

so ...today just bla out everything...

i hope i will be fine....

i need not to think of everything again.....

and i don't like people to control my life!!

i mean it!!!!!!aaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!

well..ya kahyee n jason invited me to TI...

and ya i really wanted to go....

but today with all those bad emotional...

i guess hardly to go TI already!!!

sorry lah buddy!!!

i just need time to clear off all the anger!!

and ya... saw a dog yesterday....

and i think of my aunt's dog...

hahaha...and i miss this dog too...

he's crazy...he can drink wine!!!

not in good condition

disturb by some issues!!